Guest Commentary | Navigating the emotions of sending a child to college
Across Southwest Florida, students have celebrations graduations, are attending parties and enjoying the freedom that comes with summer break. For many families, it is simply another summer. For others, it is something much bigger.
This summer, many parents are quietly preparing for something they have spent nearly two decades working toward: sending a child to college.
As both a mental health professional and a parent preparing to send my own child to college, I have learned that the hardest part is not move-in day, orientation or even the first day of classes. The hardest part is often the summer before.
Families are shopping for dorm essentials, reviewing schedules and checking off endless lists. Alongside the excitement and pride is the awareness that a chapter is ending.
Parents unexpectedly find themselves looking at ordinary moments differently. A family dinner, a car ride, a Saturday morning at home or even a sibling argument that would normally be frustrating can suddenly feel meaningful. As a parent, I have found myself appreciating those everyday moments more than ever.
Students are experiencing their own mix of emotions. They are excited about independence, new friendships and new opportunities, while also feeling nervous about leaving what is familiar. Even those eager to leave often experience moments of uncertainty and fear.
According to research featured in Behavioral Sciences and The Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, anxiety often increases during the summer before college and continues through the first academic year. In fact, nearly 40% of college students report significant symptoms of anxiety. While parents often focus on practical preparations, it is just as important to recognize the emotional preparation that both students and families are navigating.
What makes this transition challenging is that both excitement and sadness can exist at the same time. Parents often tell me they feel guilty for being emotional because they are proud of their child. In many ways, this transition represents a form of anticipatory grief. No one has been lost, but daily routines, conversations and family life are about to change.
The transition to college brings several major life changes all at once. Students are leaving established support systems, adapting to new academic expectations, building new social networks, managing greater independence and often learning to solve problems without immediate parental involvement.
For years, much of a parent’s life revolves around school schedules, sports, activities, appointments and family routines. Then suddenly, you realize your role is beginning to shift. You move from managing daily life to becoming more of a guide, mentor and source of support.
One of the most important things families can do during this final summer is simply be present. Not every moment needs to be a special trip or elaborate memory-making event. Often, the moments we remember most are ordinary ones. Have dinner together, take a walk, watch a movie or sit on the couch and talk.
It is also important to have honest conversations before college begins. Discuss expectations about communication, visits home, finances, independence and responsibilities.
When students come home for holidays and breaks, both parents and children may discover they have changed. Students often return with greater independence and different expectations, while parents fall back into familiar routines. Open communication helps everyone navigate those changes with less frustration and more understanding.
One of the most encouraging findings from the research is that strong family relationships continue to matter, even after students leave home. Consistent support, healthy communication and a sense of connection remain some of the strongest protective factors during the college transition. Students do not need parents to solve every problem, but they benefit from knowing someone is still in their corner as they learn to navigate challenges on their own.
It is also a reminder that years of parenting have accomplished exactly what they were meant to. We do not raise children to need us forever; we raise them to leave us. There is something incredibly meaningful about watching a child enter the next chapter carrying the values, lessons and love that shaped them.
The summer before college is not just a goodbye to childhood. It is also the beginning of a new relationship between parent and child-one built less on daily routines and more on trust, respect and confidence in the person they are becoming. While that transition can bring tears, it can also bring tremendous pride, gratitude and hope for what comes next.
Elizabeth Dosoretz, LCSW, is the founder and CEO of Elite DNA Behavioral Health.