Valerie’s House marks major milestone
A personal experience is threaded into the fabric of an organization dedicated to helping area youths find their voice when experiencing the loss of a loved one.
Valerie’s House has hit its officials 10-year anniversary. Its concept, though, has its roots in the childhood of its founder.
“When I was younger, I didn’t have a voice,” Valerie’s House Founder and CEO Angela Melvin Churchill said. “I didn’t know my voice when it came to feelings around my mom, so I didn’t say much because I didn’t have that voice. I had pain, confusion, sadness and loneliness and all the colors of emotions that we hang.”
Worry was another emotion that weighed heavy, as she worried that her dad might die, too.
“Everyone’s grief is so different and that is the beautiful thing about a group setting. They have this thing in common — they are still there for each other,” Melvin Churchill said.
The vision to begin Valerie’s House stems back 15 years when she was living in West Palm Beach, working as a reporter at a local television station. One of her friends, the few that knew her mother died, as she was very private, encouraged her to volunteer for Hearts and Hope, a nonprofit organization that opened as a place for kids to go when they experienced a loss.
“I gave the nonprofit a call and scheduled some time with the director and went on a tour. I bawled and cried and held on to a teddy bear. I was 32 at the time and was really moved by the concept,” Melvin Churchill said, adding that she kept in touch with the director.
Four or five years later she reached out to learn about the organization. Hearts and Hope closed its doors because of the recession.
The experience, as well as a 2003 memory, continued to plant seeds.
Melvin Churchill volunteered at a grief camp through Hospice in Tennessee where she was living.
“It was the first time I had ever worked with, or even met, grieving children before. As a camp counselor, I had more in common with kids that were 10, 15 years younger than me than I had with anyone else,” she said. “I still talk to two of the girls I mentored 22 years later.”
In 2013, she moved back to Fort Myers and began working with Big Brothers and Big Sisters. She requested to mentor a little girl who lost her mom.
“They didn’t have a lot of their children on that list,” Melvin Churchill said. “There wasn’t a category for grief. Where are those kids getting support — there are a lot in the community — I believed it.”
She was on to something because she had met kids and families that had lost people. The question, “If I start something like this, are you going to come,” was met with “Could you make this happen yesterday.”
Parents were coming to Valerie’s House with a sense of hopelessness and fear because they were afraid where their children were headed in life after a deep traumatic loss at a young age.
“It’s one of the most unimaginable things, to lose a spouse right in the middle of raising your kids together. It’s a lonely path and everything changes,” she said. “We hope they find a sense of community. I see a lot of gratitude. Kids come through and stay with us. It’s not court ordered. They are coming because they want to. That is a beautiful thing, too.”
In 2016, Valerie’s House began with 20 kids in an old historic home that someone who heard her speak offered at no cost.
Fast forward to two years ago, Valerie’s House moved into their forever home. They have already outgrown the 7,000-square-foot home. The organization has anywhere from 50 to 60 different families every night, 400 to 500 kids and parents per month.
Fortunately, the land is big enough for expansion.
The organization is now in its 10th year, which means a multitude of things to the founder.
“It means that we filled a void in the community. That there was nothing like this until Valerie’s House on an ongoing basis for children grieving,” she said. “There were some little pockets of support, but nothing at this level — that we were really meeting grieving families, especially children where they needed us.”
That approach — a friend to a friend, peer to peer, family to family, instead of diagnosing grief, or calling it something that needed to be fixed or required counseling.
“It’s something completely different,” Melvin Churchill said of meeting them where they were in their grief and acknowledging and supporting them while giving them a voice. “We have a therapeutic approach — the groups are not therapy – it’s a community.”
Valerie’s House offers a vast array of layers ranging from inviting the child and parent to a group, so they can meet others and have support on a regular basis, to doing many different forms of activities, such as music and art therapy. There are also parenting classes offered to help parents through their grief.
“Most importantly with their grief we are breaking them out of their shell. They are hardened and don’t trust a lot of people with their emotions. We are cracking the nutshell a little bit, so they can see it is OK to talk about what they are feeling and are going to feel better if they find a support system,” Melvin Churchill said.
Recently they started a phase two — after three years of coming to Valerie’s House, children are moved into Growing Into Grief, which offers a different dynamic. There is also a young adult program for college kids. Valerie’s House also travels to 30 different school groups to meet for an hour with children who are identified through their school counselor.
She said you can do this for decades and still not have the answers to help.
“You have to listen to them and they will tell you what they need,” Melvin Churchill said. “That is the most important part – holding space for someone grieving. You are able to say I am not the expert in their grief. They are. You walk with them through it and hold their hand, hug them, hold them up sometimes. You laugh with them. Cry with them. You celebrate their wins and they do that for each other too.”
The anniversary also means Valerie’s House will be here well beyond Melvin Churchill’s lifetime because the foundation is there.
“I really believe we are here to stay,” she said.
The land was donated for their forever home and money was raised so they do not have a mortgage or debt.
“We are part of the solution,” Melvin Churchill said of Valerie’s House helping the root cause – helping children understand their grief and provide help, so they do not become a burden later.
Now a decade later, the founder is no longer doing it alone, as she has a beautiful, special, talented, dedicated giving team around her. Melvin Churchill said her staff are people who have gone through the program, to former teachers and counselors, therapists, and social work inters.
“It’s a lot of work – a lot of emotion. It’s heavy,” Melvin Churchill said. “I don’t think I could have prepared myself for that – how much grief of what is really out there. How much pain and suffering.”
She said as the founder, and losing her mother at the age of 10 to an automobile accident, gives her the opportunity to connect deeply with families.
“I see myself in so many of them,” Melvin Churchill said.
The organization is celebrating its 10 years in a multitude of ways.
They are continuing to grow their intern program, while keeping their relationship strong with Florida Gulf Coast University’s mental health and social work studies.
“We have two therapists on the team that can provide that supervision. We are helping to grow the number of mental health counselors in the community. We are training up that next generation. Training them in grief,” Melvin Churchill said. “They are able to learn about grief and our approach. We don’t think you go through four or five stages – it’s a continuous path of all kinds of ups and downs, waves of grief.”
Their forever home will also be expanded through the addition of more rooms to accommodate additional groups and kids.
In June, Melvin Churchill will travel to San Antonio for the National Alliance for Children’s Grief where she will speak. This is the fourth year Valerie’s House will present.
“We have become a leader,” she said, adding that they still have a lot to learn. “We have a lot to share too about what we have learned in the last 10 years for new grief centers.”
Valerie’s House also is updating their website and launching an app that will make it easier to access services.
“We are always open to new ways of helping people and continuing to be front and center, so people think about Valerie’s House and the courage to come and see what we are about,” Melvin Churchill said.
She said they also want to host a national children’s bereavement symposium in Fort Myers and bring all kinds of experts in the field to the area.
For more information, visit www.valerieshouse.org