By Capt. GEORGE TUNISON

Hope your boat is filled with Christmas gift goodies, or better, you’re towing a brand new boat behind your truck! One thing for certain — everyone’s heading to the ramp, so look out!

January kicks off an eight-week season that many Floridians look forward to each year. This family friendly spectator sport is great fun for young and old alike and is free to all. Just bring your lawn chair, sunglasses, drinks, snacks and camera equipment.

Yes, it’s 2022 and another season of amateur and professional ramp watching is underway as fans gather at boat ramps early in the morning to claim a good spot to catch the best action of the day (with a second peak occurring the last hour or so before dark). The sport has become so popular it’s featured on many YOU TUBE channels providing great comedy relief for those boaters quarantined at home.

Winter weekends and major holidays are truly the magic time for ramp watchers as amateurs, newbies, pro guides, crabbers, old salts, personal water craft users and kayakers line up early, all trying to get on the water to start their day.

Professional ramp watchers keep a score sheet, awarding points for each event, then declaring a winner at the end of the morning and afternoon sessions. Here are some of the events:

The Crab Launch – Scored on the number of times it takes the brand new boater to actually get the trailer backed straight down the ramp and into the water. Extra points are awarded when the driver manages to get the boat completely sideways in the ramp while the wife and kids are outside screaming backwards, back-up directions.

Hot Heads – Points are awarded to the most impatient hot head waiting to launch. This person typically has high blood pressure, is sleep deprived, has endured heavy traffic on the way to the ramp and can be easily spotted standing by their truck, red faced, pacing and usually swearing. The Crab Launch event really gets these folks agitated.

Magic Floating Trailer – Automatic points are given to those backing the trailer into the water still strapped to the boat causing it to float with the boat.

Winter Dip Drain Plug Scramble – After returning from ramp parking they see the boat going down as the owner then zips madly around desperately trying to find the plug, then getting soaked, trying to insert it. Big points!

Noah’s Ark – Greatly exceed the capacity rating of the boat for maximum points. For example: putting seven visiting relatives, two dogs and a cooler on a 13-foot Boston Whaler, would receive high marks.

The Rude Ramp and Load – After waiting in line with plenty of time to load and prepare the boat, the captain finally backs down the ramp, parks and then proceeds to casually load family, friends, animals, grills, floats, coolers and tackle, completely oblivious to the long line of boats waiting to launch. This classic event always gets the Hot Heads extra crazy. 25 points if the police show up.

The Smoke Out – Backed down too far and the trailer tires went over the ramp’s end as the driver then panics and burns up the trucks tires trying to get back out. 10 points

The really big event all really dedicated ramp watchers secretly live for is the Deep Six – She Gone! This is similar to a Super Bowl touchdown, title knockout or championship play hole-in-one. Even if you didn’t sign up, a no parking brake, not left in “park” or steep, algae coated ramp can automatically enter a person in this event as they watch their boat float and truck sink. 100 bonus points awarded if the truck is completely under water.

For their own safety, professional ramp watchers are masters of the poker face, knowing full well that loud howling laughter that close to already triggered ramp event contestants that early in the morning could be dangerous.

Capt. George Tunison is a Cape Coral resident fishing guide. Contact him at 239-282-9434 or captgeorget3@aol.com.