Organ donors’ families deserve thanks

Mar 26, 2011 2 min read

To the editor:

Thank you, Betsy Edwards, for remembering organ donors and their families. My husband had a double lung transplant in 1994. We were blessed to meet his donor’s husband and have stayed in touch for over 17 years.

While I was driving to the hospital that night, I remember wondering about the family who had lost a loved one and thinking about the fact that someone, somewhere had thought of others on the worst night of their lives. I didn’t know who or where, why or how, but I was already in awe.

Soon after Cliff left ICU, we were told that Paul, his donor’s husband, had called the hospital and asked about the recipients. We were asked if we’d be interested in communication with him. How could we not be? After some letters and phone calls, we drove to Wisconsin and met him. It’s a day I’ll never forget, meeting the man who made the decision that helped save Cliff’s life. We all cried when we met, and then, to break the tension, Cliff said, “Man, I want you to know Laura’s the only woman who’s never rejected me and I’ll always hold her close to my heart.” I don’t know where those words came from, but we all laughed, wiped away tears, and then spent several hours talking about The Day.

I once told Paul, “Sometimes I feel guilty because we’re so happy and you’re so sad.” He said words I’ve never forgotten: “Don’t ever say that again. Knowing you guys are happy makes me a little less sad. And I like to think that a part of Laura is still alive.”

I understand donor-recipient contact policies are different and have changed since 1994, and I understand the reasoning. But for us, meeting and getting to know Paul, staying in touch, was and remains a most precious part of Cliff’s experience. And, yes, Cliff celebrated 17 years in January, making him one of the longest surviving lung transplant recipients in this country.

I write because maybe our story will help one person decide to become a donor. Seven people had transplants that night. Just one donor can make a huge difference.

Debra Bender

Cape Coral