Men eager to learn how to be a real father
JACKSONVILLE (AP) – As the school day ended recently at St. Clair Evans Academy, and the children began to file out the doors, one class was just beginning – a class for men.
These men had learned their ABCs long ago; what they needed to learn on this day was the basics on being a father. No one had taught them that. At least not until Ronnie Cage came along.
Cage, 47, has been supplying those lessons since 2003, when he became a parent educator with the Jacksonville Children’s Commission. He’s been continuing those lessons as a contract manager and program associate with the commission, as well as through his consulting company.
And his students are eager.
On this day there’s Darrell Rhodes, 41, who has resolved that a failed marriage will not lead him to failing as a father. There’s William Manigault, 36, who sees the classes as a way to learn not just from Cage, but from the experiences of other single fathers. And there’s Keith Johnson, 39, who wants to learn how to sharpen the fathering skills he already has.
All see Cage as a guide on what can be a stony path toward responsible fatherhood.
“He had this fatherhood class, and I was interested, and I said: ‘I want to be part of my daughter’s life and be a good father,'” said Rhodes, whose daughter is 9. “That’s my whole purpose in life – to be a good father.
“He’s a role model to me. He tells me everything I need to know.”
Cage’s passion for grooming responsible fathers was stoked by the statistics on children who grow up with their fathers not in the picture. According to research from the National Fatherhood Initiative, 34 percent of kids live without their biological father. Nearly 65 percent of black children live without their fathers, while 36 percent of Hispanic children and 27 percent of white children don’t share a home with their fathers.
That can have consequences. Among other things, studies show that whether fathers are involved with their children is a key in predicting the social, emotional and cognitive health of children. In addition, children with fathers who are involved in their lives are more likely to make good grades in school, have healthy self-esteem and avoid anti-social behavior.
When Cage began working at the Clara White Mission for Project MALE – Men Advocating and Leading by Example – he discovered that many of the men trying to conquer demons such as drug abuse wanted to be involved in their children’s lives but didn’t quite know how to go about it.
“That really got my passion going for fatherhood,” Cage said. “I kept seeing in the paper and on TV on how so many fathers have dropped the ball.
“I think if you poll them, a lot of their fathers weren’t there. A lot of time, we equate being grown to being a certain age. These guys are grown, but they have never seen a father or a male role model, so they don’t know how to be one. They’re just doing what they know.”
So Cage, who holds a degree in child psychology, began teaching men how to be responsible fathers. Lesson one was that not being in the home or with the child’s mother was no excuse for being absent.
“I was a product of a broken home,” said Cage, who has been married for 20 years and has two daughters, ages 14 and 17. “But Daddy was still around.”
Cage began this session with a game: Father Knows Best.
One of the guys picked a number, and Cage read the scenario listed beside it. In this instance, it’s about a 2-year-old daughter cursing. Some adults laugh. “What do you think about that?” asked Cage.
“I would keep talking to her about it, and keep correcting her, to stop her from doing that,” Manigault said. “Obviously, the child has picked up on someone who has been using profanity.”
Cage then suggested that someone might be them. The lesson for fathers? Watch what they say around their children.
Cage stressed to the men that they need to be respectful of their children’s mothers, and they need to understand the difference between discipline and punishment.
“Punishment instills fear. Discipline teaches,” Cage said. “If you’re beating them all the time, something’s wrong.”
Fathers also need to understand that children value their time more than money, Cage said.
“You can buy them all the Air Jordans, all the Sean Johns that you want, but what they’ll remember the most is when you took them to the ice cream par
While only three fathers were at this session, as many as 25 will sometimes show up, Cage said.
“I’m not so big on numbers,” Cage said. “As long as I can help one daddy understand the important role that he plays in his child’s life, I’ve done my job.”